Hello Brother (1999)

I half suspect that this movie was only made so that Salman Khan could play around with CGI effects. I can see him bullying Sohail Khan into writing, producing and directing this movie, and then getting Arbaaz Khan on board too, to play what might possibly be the best role of his life.

Also, Sohail Khan wrote the dialogues too. So let's start from there. The dialogues are as 13-year old schoolboy as you would expect them to be, given the people involved. The film is full of crude jokes which were apparently intensely hated by Salim Khan (I want to know the exact words he used on Sohail when he saw the movie). The storyline is... well, if you insist on such things as "logic" when you watch a late 90s Bollywood movie starring Salman Khan, then I'm sorry, you've already lost the game. Honestly though, within the universe of the movie, things were pretty fine. No, I'm not kidding. I'm pretty sure worse movies exist, and I was honestly expecting this one to be god-tier cinema, so yeah, pleasant surprise and all.


Another pleasant surprise was how progressive the movie was about certain things. Rani Mukerji's character (also called Rani) said #feminism, and we were all here to stan. She was a career-driven ambitious woman, who refused to settle for anyone except her dream hunk. Even her relationship with Hero (Bhai's character, DUH), was much more normal than what I expect out of any heterosexual relationship involving Bhai and his characters. Also, Vishal (Arbaaz Khan) and Rani were so cute to watch!! Ugh, it's so weird to be gushing about any of Salim Khan's offspring. 

Now, coming to the most important part of this movie- the soundtrack. Each and every song here is a fucking BOP, and nO, you CANNOT convince me otherwise. From the surprisingly (wow this movie watching experience was really full of surprises) insightful Chupke Se Koi (STILL NOT OVER HOW CUTE ARBAAZ AND RANI LOOKED HERE) to the absolutely genius Hata Sawan Ki Ghata (Bhai being Bhai, in the best way possible), to one of my favourite songs of all time, Teri Chunariya, this soundtrack is literally enough reason to watch this movie. Seriously. 

Also, all of Rani's outfits in this movie are amazing. Even Arbaaz and Salman had their moments. Speaking of Rani though, I'm pretty sure that watching her in this movie when I was 5 changed everything for me. Wow. I've really been a thirsty gay since then.

Speaking of homosexuality, is it just me or was Johnny Lever's character totally gay here? His obsession with Arbaaz Khan's masculinity and Ninja Chacha (Razak Khan) was just too obvious to be missed. 

In conclusion, I would just like to thank Sohail and team for completely under-utilising Shakti Kapoor in this movie. And finally, the cultural legacy of this movie can only be understood through the YouTube link I'm proving below. Enjoy. 

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